While we’re on the subject of animals, one of my favourite animal books is Timoleon Vieta Come Home and it’s by Dan Rhodes. This is a book that almost wasn’t because when he handed it to his then publisher they didn’t want to put it out. This is a shaggy dog story with a happy end though as it was picked up by Canongate and was a big success and he has since gone on to write about a woman that chops her car into little pieces (Little White Car) and a Japanese lesbian with a sneezing affliction (Gold).
Then the next best thing is Fup by Jim Dodge which is a novella about an ugly duck called Fup which likes going for your balls. It also has some rather nice ink drawings in it.
If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, and after all, if we were all duck people what a dull duck infested world it would be, then there is ‘You’re An Animal Viskovitz!’ which is a collection of stories in which in each one Viskovitz is a different animal but in all of them he is in love with Ljuba. Cue, a parrot, a dormouse, a police dog with a heroin habit and a microbe with an inferiority complex.
And if that doesn’t get your goat there is of course the masterpiece which is The Jungle Book by Raymond the Kipper. I haven’t read this one but if it is indeed a masterpiece please let me know by text or email.
All of which brings us nicely to the latest of the 50 Word story competitions, the theme of which was Animals. Huge thanks to the beautiful and talented Polly Tuckett director of Leicester’s own short story night Short Fuse for picking this month’s winners.
The winners will actually be announced at the forthcoming Short Fuse event on the 26th May at Leicester’s Y Theatre, and read out there. Details of the winners will then follow on this blog…
And as a bit of a news flash the stories may also be on BBC Radio Leicester. A big thank you to them….
(Unless I balls it up and read like a donkey. Eeyore and all that.)
Anyhow, without much more to do, please enjoy the shortlisted finalists which were the very best of a brilliant bunch of cats and dogs.
WINNER Eric Karl Anderson
To Survive
Mark’s earliest memory was running for his life. His heartbeat in his throat, burning leg muscles nearly snapping, eyes searching wildly for cover. A beastly phantasm was hot on his heels, animal-jaws snapping. Smiling adults observed this game, but it was more serious than playing. This ritual enabled Mark’s survival.
JOINT RUNNER UP Sean McNulty
The Foxes of Summer
City foxes take to the streets regularly in the summer, but we rarely see them. They’re sharper than us, so amuse themselves with our blindness. I’ve noticed one. I’ve fallen in love with her, but she knows my dimness, so dances without me. City foxes play tough in the summer.
JOINT RUNNER UP Ralph Dartford
The press conference, the day after, in Sheffield.
He said they were nothing but animals. He was a police officer, a man in a black uniform, a nice house near Barnsley, a kitchen to swing a cat in.
In Kirby, the Wirral, Stanley Park. There’s a breathless scream of rage.
Jake Webb
I tried to make life-size animal crackers. What a nightmare! The monkeys wouldn’t sit still. The hippos objected to having chocolate poured on them. And a crocodile bit my hand off. So I gave up and started making giant iced gems instead. But it’s not easy with only one hand.
Louis Anthes
Here we are, a million monkeys typing out a novel, but the striking elephants stopped editing, and all we are left with are parrots to memorise what we say while we write. The hyenas laugh as the dogs eat reams of used typewriter paper falling from tables.
Frances Gapper
After he left, I spent my evenings drinking gin on the sofa. The tiny elephants who live behind my skirting board would troop out through an abandoned mouse-hole. The shag carpet waved like grass. I kept very still as they drank and bathed in the orange neon glow of sunset.
Keith Olsen
The Last Ride
Dooley sensed something terribly wrong when the bull broke from the chute. The animal surged violently and came down on its knees. The cowboy slammed into the Brahma’s bent horn as bursts of hot breath buffeted his face. Then, seconds remaining, the beast rose and launched Dooley to the heavens.
June Anne Welsh
My Back Garden (2)
Used to be scared of insects. Not now. Just rather they didn’t hang in my house. Spiders are different. I don’t mind them coming in for a warm. Last summer I tried to start a dating agency for them out on my windowsill. Nice to be able to make magic.
June Anne Welsh
My Back Garden (1)
The night cold and dark, birds all gone, no more chattering. Where do magpies sleep? Do they have any kind of nightlife, I wonder? Could they be with crows, maybe, in some seedy night-club for birds, listening to jazz and getting high? That’ll be why they chatter all day.
Peter Lawson
I was in the shower this morning. This is true. The small half cuticle sized ’squirm’ the movie flesh eating worm thing on the shower head filled me with wonder. And angst. I couldn’t bring myself to destroy it. It was there before me. But I value my flesh. Flick……
Join the 50 Word story group here.
Currently reading – Music For Torching by A M Homes
Currently listening to – Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
Again, funny stuff. Who’d have thought there’d be so many funny, quirky books about animals. Have you read Quentin Crisp’s Chog? Hilarious, check it out though probably out of print now. I read it seriously years ago and forgot until your blog made me think of it. Seriously funny book. And also am delighted to be part of the finalists list!! Too kind.
Nice picks all of them and I must say, though I didnt make the cut I wouldnt have wanted to pick a winner as there was a great number of really good contenders.
Congradulations all and keep up the good word or fifty.
d
Impressive line-up of stories. I enjoy the imagery the short-short venue imposes on the writer. Beautiful.
Thanks for the comments. I’m going in on Friday to record the stories for BBC Radio Leicester.
Wow, a great bunch of finalists. I wish I’d had a go now. Not that I think I’d have done any better, but being beaten by any of those stories wouldn’t feel bad at all!